Sexual Purity: What is the Point?

{By Samantha Nicole}

Having sex before you’re married isn’t cool. It’s sin.

I got your attention rather quickly, didn’t I? I’m personally fed up with the mediocrity with which Christian young adults view sex, and I’m sure some of you are too. This is my defense for saving your sexual self for marriage. And, yes, I realize my bold opinion is probably in the minority here, and I don’t care.

what is the point of sexual purity

I’m a twenty-one year old female who decided at the age of thirteen to save herself sexually for the man she marries. At this moment, I’m still not wearing a wedding band, and I’ve held to my resolve. People were seemingly ok with my stance all throughout my teenage years; in fact, they condoned my choices and encouraged me in many, many ways. Even through my twentieth year of life, most people thought it was really awesome and supported my decision.

Then twenty-one hit and suddenly, I was the odd-ball out and everyone wanted to tell me so.

I could quote scripture after scripture that prohibits sexual immorality (Acts 15:29, Romans 13:13, 1 Corinthians 6:12-20), but I’m sure most of you are aware of them. In fact, I’ve even had some of you try to convince me that sexual immorality cannot be committed if someone isn’t married. Excuse me, but the actual definition of sexual immorality is “any sexual act outside of the marriage covenant.” Uh, guys, that means having sex before your wedding night. Stop trying to convince me that God wasn’t really saying what He said … It’s in black and white in every Bible. Why try and argue with God?

You know what’s really neat? God didn’t forbid me from having sex outside of marriage just to make me suffer. He did it so that I would be saved from heartache and memories. He asked me to remain pure so that I don’t have to deal with the emotional confusion and clouding that comes from sleeping with someone who I haven’t promised my life to.

Sex will never be a deciding factor when I stand across from my husband the day I make my wedding vows. My respect and admiration for my husband is compounded because of his choice to respect my desire to honor God in this way. By honoring my request and desire for sexual purity and denying himself for God’s glory, I have this crazy thing called trust. If he did it for me once, I can trust that he’ll do it over and over and over throughout our lives together. And get this, he can have that trust in me too! That whole “well, if he/she slept with me before we were married, who else did he/she sleep with?” question is a non-issue.

God is a God of love and mercy and peace in all areas of life. Holy, unadulterated marriage beds glorify Him in ways we unmarried folks cannot even begin to imagine.

Because of those two facts, we can rest in the knowledge that He will equip us to be sexually abstinent in Him throughout our unmarried years, and that He’ll continue to keep us faithful and pure into our marriages. He promises that any good work He begins in us He will carry to completion.

God will give you and I the strength and ability to sexually save ourselves for our spouses.

To all those walking this road, I know it’s rough, but I promise it will be worth it. And remember, you aren’t the only one. Stay strong!

 

Comments

  1. I admit that though I, like Samantha, committed to sexual purity from an early age, I had no idea how important it was until I got married. God wants us to remain pure for a host of reasons, and it is not just to AVOID heartache, AVOID regret, and AVOID brokenness; God wants us to remain pure in order to GAIN trust, LOVE purely and deeply, and to ENJOY what God has created for us to enjoy. Sex is the biological glue that holds a marriage together. God created sex to be unforgettable and nothing can shake sexual experiences from your memory. This unique physiological element of sex is what can turn it into a regret-filled nightmare between transient partners or a blissful blessing between married partners.

    Secular writers often claim that Christians who argue for abstinence outside of marriage put sex on a pedestal so high that those saving sex for marriage are bound for disappointment. I’m afraid that sometimes this is true when articles preach “Don’t do it you’ll always regret it! It’s only awesome if you wait!” to scare young Christians into waiting for sex. Our reasons for waiting on sex have to be rooted in our commitment to God and what honors him. Waiting until marriage will NOT ensure you absolutely flawless intercourse the first time, but waiting until marriage WILL ensure that you and your spouse have the freedom of figuring it out together unencumbered by painful past experiences! No, sex won’t be perfect the first time. It won’t even be close. You may laugh and you may cry! It may take years for you and your spouse to figure out how to do it well. My husband and I didn’t wait for each other just to avoid being compared to previous partners, and we didn’t wait because we had an unreasonably high view of sex (thanks to insight from other married friends). We waited for each other in order to honor God, who desires what is best for us, and who created us to be wholly, deeply, and lovingly committed to each other.

    But what about those who haven’t waited?

    Maybe you’ve already had sex, and there’s no wedding band on your left hand. Maybe at 19 you are a single mom. Maybe you wanted to wait, but now you have so many regrets that you can’t see how God could provide you a fresh start. Or maybe you are a victim of sexual assault and, through no fault of your own, you’ve lost your purity. Pastor Justin Holcomb defines sexual assault as “any type of sexual behavior or contact where consent is not freely given or obtained and is accomplished through force, intimidation, violence, coercion, manipulation, threat, deception, or abuse of authority.” While a gun-ho stay-strong approach to purity is needed, it is important to recognize that this audience probably doesn’t exclude those who have been sexually assaulted or who have made adulterous decisions in the past. Is there any hope for the victim? Is it still possible for her to glorify God? Is she already considering her heart and body “used goods,” unworthy of future romantic love?

    We worship a big, good, gracious, and merciful God. Jesus died on the cross for your sins–ALL your sins. If you are a Christian, your sins nailed Jesus to his cross. Jesus paid the price your sins deserved. Out of love for him who paid your debt, go and live a life honoring to him in every respect–including sexual purity. If you are despondent over what has been done to you, the person/people who have harmed you will either suffer for their sin for eternity in hell, or they will surrender their lives to Jesus. And if they surrender their life to Jesus, Jesus has paid for their sins against you. Those sins are covered. Made clean. Paid for. If you see yourself in any of these descriptions, talk to a trusted mentor or leader in your church so they can support you and pray for you. Now, go and sin no more.

    • Amen, Jane! God is indeed an amazing God who has given us commands for our good and not our harm. My hope was to encourage other singles with the desire for purity to remain strong and steadfast even when others try to convince them to walk other paths. I love the way you put it when you said “God wants us to remain pure for a host of reasons, and it is not just to AVOID heartache, AVOID regret, and AVOID brokenness; God wants us to remain pure in order to GAIN trust, LOVE purely and deeply, and to ENJOY what God has created for us to enjoy.” That sentence sums up what I was hoping to say in my article.

      I also love the points you made regarding how God view each one of us through beautiful eyes of grace, no matter how we lose our virginity. That’s a whole other topic that could take up a book of articles… But it’s also one I don’t feel equipped to address right now. Thank you for making that clarification, and I hope I didn’t come across insensitively, that was not my intention.

      Thank you for your comment, Jane. I’m always super encouraged to hear of couples that succeeded in their walks of purity… It gives me that little piece of hope and courage to hold onto when I start to falter in my convictions. This is always a difficult subject to write about; I’m so thankful that you took the time to chime in!

  2. I agree with you Samantha, and Jane, but I would empasize that the primary purpose of sexual purity is not emotional protection. Marriage is ultimately a picture of the Gospel, of God’s covenant with His people. As such, sex is a physical symbol of the consummation of God’s kingdom: joy, pleasure, glory, union with God, etc. sex outside of marriage isn’t just a selfish act; it blasphemes the Gospel.

    For me, at least, this made the thought of premarital sex absolutely revolting. On the flip side, now that I am married, I am continually realizing what a gift and privilege it is to participate in this symbol, AND I am especially humbled to realize that now we only see dimly, as through a mirror, but one day, we will see Christ face th face. Most assuredly that will far surpass even the best sex! :)

    • Thank you for your input, Taylor.

      Sex is an incredible picture with so many facets. As a single still in pursuit of marriage, it’s hard for me to be able to see the full picture like you and Jane. I look forward to the day when I can understand that side of God’s character!

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