Guy’s Perspective: Are Smart Girls Scary?

{By Michael Vuke}

photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/76029035@N02/6829496615/

Do guys like smart girls, or are they intimidated by them?

If a lady has a successful job, is this off-putting or is it an attractive quality? Should girls who are mature, serious, or go-getters downplay those aspects of themselves to be more appealing to guys?

Here’s my answer: Sometimes; sometimes, no.

I’ll explain in just a minute, but before I go down this road, I would like to say that a smart person looks different depending on who you are talking to. It may refer to the ability to learn well in a classroom setting, a sharp wit, an intuition, street smarts, book smarts, etc. As one of my favorite quotes says:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.” –Albert Einstein

For the sake of clarity, when I refer to someone being ‘smart’ or ‘educated’, I’m referring to a person who has had classroom and/or book learning and excels at it. Now that I’ve clarified that, let’s start unpacking my answer!

Do guys like smart girls, or are they intimidated by them?

It all depends on the guy; just like any measure of ‘attractiveness’, each guy has different things that he really likes to see in a girl. Some guys don’t even take ‘smarts’ into account when pursuing a girl!

To be honest, there are guys out there who are intimidated by smart women. I was friends with someone who was attracted to a girl, but because she had more education than he did, he felt that she was ‘out of his league’ and was uncomfortable talking to her beyond just shallow conversation.  So if you downplay your intelligence, you may be more appealing to guys. On the flip side, there are some guys who are incredibly attracted to girls who have lots of knowledge, and it is a deal breaker for them. No knowledge, no relationship.

So, should you downplay your education to be appealing to a larger audience?

I don’t think you should. Yes, it will limit some of your options, but if you pretend to be less smart than you are, you are selling yourself short and you are putting up a façade you will have to maintain for the entire relationship. If your education/knowledge is a deal breaker for the guy, it will come out one way or the other.

Don’t be a pretentious know-it-all, and don’t make others feel stupid for not knowing something that you do, but other than that, if you have an education, use it! Get a guy that appreciates you for who you are – smarts and all.

If a lady has a successful job, is this off-putting or is it an attractive quality?

Women in the workforce; this is a touchy subject for a lot of conservative men and women, and people can get riled up really easily about it. But that hasn’t ever stopped me before!

There are those who would say that it is morally wrong for a woman to have a job outside of the house, and there are those who believe that a woman is depriving herself if she does not get a job outside of the house. I am not here to endorse or dispute either view. If you feel that God is leading you to get a job or stay home, do what He says and forget everyone else.

Now what do guys think about ladies having jobs? Just like with the intelligence question, it depends on the guy. To some guys it is incredibly off-putting, because they do not view it as the place for the woman; other men think it is a great thing that a woman is pursuing a career. Now just because a guy is fine with women having jobs doesn’t mean you are in the clear yet. Some men are fine with women having jobs, but they don’t want their partner to have one. Other men are fine with women having jobs, but feel insecure if they do not have a ‘better’ or higher paying job than the lady.

Whether you stay at home or go out into the workplace, I think it is important for you to be doing something. Have hobbies and go do things that you enjoy; if you are not interested in things, others will not find you interesting. If you have a job, and you just go to work and come home, you won’t meet people and you won’t have that much fun. If you stay at home all day and help out with your family, which is a noble thing, but don’t get out at all, you will never meet new people. Think back to your friends; most of them you probably met through activities and you became friends because of shared interests. Same with meeting guys.

If you are skimming this post, this following section is the one you really need to pay attention to.

Why do you want a guy to like you? Is it because of things that you can do, how you look, what clothes you wear, what you do with your time, or would you rather a guy be attracted to you because of who you are as a person?

If you define yourself, or let a guy define you, based off of your education, job status, hair color, or anything else, you don’t need to. You don’t have to make yourself look or act a certain way to try and draw others in; someone should pursue because they like you, not what you do. Your education level will change over time—you will learn new things, and you’ll forget some of what you know right now. You could lose your job, get promoted, or start a new company that becomes the next big thing; you will retire at some point. Your hair will turn grey, and your appearance will change. That’s how life works.

If a guy seeks after you because of one of those things I just listed, they will leave when it is no longer applicable. If a guy seeks after you because he is attracted to you, he won’t mind if you have a higher education than he does or not, or if you have a job, stay at home, or are in between jobs.

So don’t sweat it. No matter what you do, it will attract some guys and turn others off; just be sure that whatever you are doing reflects who you are.

Comments

  1. Good post! Well thought out:)

  2. This is something I’ve struggled with for many years… I’m a math major at a well accredited school, and I’ve often been informed that my brains will frighten guys away. I believed it for a long time; something I am now ashamed to admit. However, I can tell you that smarts don’t scare away the guys as much as we tend to think. I’m in a relationship with a wonderful young man who actually has informed me numerous times that my “intelligence” was something that perked his interest originally… God has a guy for you; don’t downplay your gifts in order to catch a husband! :)

    • Thank you for sharing that story–that is fantastic! I love that you can answer that from experience, whereas my stuff is a little more hypothetical.

      Stuff like this actually bothers me a bit…whenever I hear someone saying that one physical (or sometimes mental [like intelligence]) attribute is or is not attractive as a blanket statement, it always makes me do a double-take. It hurts so many people because they think they have to fit a mold, not realizing that there are a ton of guys out there, and each one has different things that he considers ‘attractive’.

  3. This is great, Michael. I have definitely struggled with this, especially as I decided to go to law school. I think you hit the nail on the head, essentially the kind of guy who would be turned off by intelligence is not the guy for me. We need to be living our lives for the glory of God, not to attract guys.

    • I’m glad that you enjoyed it, Brittany! Like you said, we need to be focused on being who God wants us to be, not who others want us to be. My old pastor put it this way (I’m sure it isn’t original to him)–imagine a triangle; God is the top point, you are a bottom point, and a [guy] is the other. If you are both growing closer to God, you’ll grow closer as well (if he is someone God is fine with you being with).

    • Oh, and best of luck in law school!

  4. If you feel that God is leading you to get a job or stay home, do what He says and forget everyone else. – My favorite quote from the article.

    Just follow God and He will direct your steps.

    {Giann}

  5. if someone love you, they will love you for who you are, either you are smart or dumb.

Trackbacks

  1. […]  Guy’s Perspective: Are Smart Girls Scary […]

what do you think? share with us:

%d bloggers like this: